Silver Vistas Retirement Community UK
Retirement Humour




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silvervistas.co.uk

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In the Locality - a selection
 
Virus Research Centre

The Virus Research Centre contains offices and laboratories, and is part of the worldwide Virus Development Group. Some of the work is related to disease prevention, but it also has a reputation for development of interesting new viruses useful for germ warfare. Residents are always welcome as volunteers for their laboratory testing (free tea and biscuits!). The VRC sponsors the Silver Vistas staff bonus scheme, which provides a welcome supplement for staff members, so residents are encouraged to volunteer on a long-term basis.
If you are interested in volunteering, the Warden has details
Toxic Waste Incinerator

Ever wondered where your day-to-day toxic waste goes?
The answer is that 1000 tons a year is burned safely at the local Toxic Waste Incinerator. The facility brings employment to the area, so is a real asset. The problems of toxic smoke drifting over the Silver Vistas village are thankfully a thing of the past, so residents can sleep safely. In any case, in the event of a recurrence, we now have an alarm connected directly from the facility, so residents would have at least 20 minutes warning of any future toxic cloud.
For up to date information on wind direction and toxic cloud emissions,
call 08748 563-56824 (premium rate line)
Halfway House

The new Halfway House near Silver Vistas has been in operation for over 3 years now on this site, since the previous building was burned down by one of the occupants. It is home for prisoners nearing the end of their term, and offers them some freedoms, for example to keep pit bulls for entertainment. On occasion, the occupants do seem to forget their way home and end up in Silver Vistas!
Still this has not proven to be a big problem, and the Halfway House manager has always promptly returned any stolen goods.
Some of the Halfway occupants are happy to do odd-jobs in your house free of charge, but they do seem to prefer to be left alone while they work.
Young Offenders Hostel

The Young Offenders Hostel houses some 30 young offenders, who are serving their time for a range of minor offences, like vandalism, drug-dealing, mugging, burglary, and car theft.
The Hostel manager takes a modern, enlightened, forward-thinking approach to rehabilitation, viewing the young offenders as simply victims of society, so allows them to do more or less what they want.
Residents are therefore recommended to avoid the vicinity after dark,
and to walk quickly away if accosted.
The Scooters Arms

The Scooters Arms traces its history as an timber-framed Elizabethan coaching inn. In the 1930's this old building was thankfully demolished and replaced with a more modern structure. They stock a range of beers, including the local 'Old Codger' ale. All facilities are as you would expect from this high-quality pub: dartboard, cigarette machine, condom machine, and one-armed bandit. The pub is famous for its weekly raffle for joints of meat, however, due to the recession, prizes are now packs of sausages.
Silver Vistas residents like the welcoming atmosphere, the clean toilets,
and the £2.99 lunches.
 


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